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The lighter side of my heavy-duty divorce (lol)

I am feeling good today – even though I have a court hearing tomorrow. This will be number 19! Yes. Really.
 
I started to think about the last 4 years of proceedings and about the odder side of things. There have been a couple of weird and funny moments.
 
Court hearings; Well, I must say that I have never found any of the Judges to be particularly scary. After a couple of cases they all know “me n’ X” at our local family court. Quite funny really as I am greeted with a warm welcome and a grin by the security guard, almost to the point of “and how’s the family?”
 

Then there’s the Court Usher, she’s a brash old bird with everyone else, but with me, we are like old friends as she winks and says “You ‘ere again?”

 
I have been Litigant in Person a couple of times and I am even starting to giggle right now as I remember my friend coming with me. The Judge allowed her into the court hearing under the heading of a McKenzie Friend. It was for a non-molestation order (I was in court for one of these on two occasions – but the X didn’t get anywhere with either application as I simply didn’t do anything), anyway, I had my say and the Judge said that it was going nowhere and summed up. I almost wet my knickers laughing when my friend chirped “Thank you your Honour”, I watched open-mouthed as she then dropped into a bow and started to back-out of the courtroom. We still laugh about it today. Bloody hilarious.
 

Final hearings; I am almost on my second, meaning that’s a Final Final right?

 
I thought I would be petrified, I mean don’t get me wrong, I was anxious, but actually I found it all rather therapeutic plus I got two years of crap out of my system and X was forced to sit and listen to what the children had been through, not that he gives a shit, but hey, if I feel better. Plus, I even called him a dirty rat at one point. God that made me feel goooood.
Then it was his turn in the box. What I didn’t expect was to be sitting in that courtroom with my head in my hands feeling ashamed at ever marrying X as he tried to twist and turn his way out of answering the questions. He has no shame and even started to argue with the Judge! I was cringing as the Judge explained to him many times that we were only booked in for a two-day hearing. The trouble is, X is a narcissist and he is NEVER going to admit he is wrong… period.
 
I just had another thought. You know where you can swear on the bible or say something else; a Promise? Well.. I will never forget X being all high and mighty saying “I will swear on the bible” he then declared “I AM A CATHOLIC”.
 
I had to hold my snigger in as I remembered the shite he had put me through. A CATHOLIC? What the hell had that got to do with anything? Did we really need that added public announcement? Maybe I should have said
 
“I AM THE DEVIL?”
 

The things Judges must see, they could write a book. There really must be some superb evidence produced. My X produced a loan agreement in the Final hearing. It read, on a piece of plain A4 plain paper, “I X hereby declare that I owe my Mother, £950,000” and he had SIGNED IT HIMSELF! The Judge looked at the piece of evidence for around 10 seconds and told his Counsel, “This just isn’t… erm… well… erm it’s just not LEGALISH” and proceeded to almost throw it over his shoulder. Comedy.  

I am sure there are loads of other funny court stories… so why not add them into the forum – there’s now a humour section under divorce.

Just click here  

Some names and identifying details have been changed to protect the privacy of individuals.

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