Has anyone ever found something or someone comes into their lives and you are terrified because all of a sudden you are truly happy?
After divorce, doing the right thing for my ex wife and children (70% of everything including the proceeds of a mortgage free detached house in a small village in the Cotswolds). I moved out, tried to start again, renting a small flat, going out a lot in the hope of meeting someone new, I was drinking a lot, I had stopped functioning normally, my head was like a fog, I couldn’t see clearly, where to go what to do, I was drifting.
For many years my life continued like this, taking huge risks with large sums of money, going away on my own or on singles holidays. Once I rented a detached three bedroom private villa with a pool in Cyprus, and just went on Tinder, incredible. I’d met someone back at home and spent too much time with her as she was shitting on me behind my back – footnote to that one – I knew she was so I treated her with the same disrespect, going to her bed after spending the hours before screwing someone else. Not funny. I was using Tinder, Match, that fish thing, lots of online porn, I even met someone who tried to introduce me to a swingers club. Well we met online, but I let her down twice by not turning up for dates, she had sent details of this club, all legal, members only ha ha, it had a spa, some rooms, or you could just shag in front of everyone else, I didn’t make that either, not my thing being watched having sex, I don’t think. Hmm, who knows.
Anyway life drifted on, work changed, I got my finger out started to earn more, that affected my self esteem and that in turn attracted more bloody women. I guess we do give something off, so more years went by, it was fun, no responsibilities, I was paying for my ex and children, so money was tight but I was good at juggling, no debts I did OK. Then friends relationships started falling apart, it was bloody rife, horrible separations, ugly divorces, it was like having to live your own misery again, I had to escape, move on, it was stifling. It was a conscious decision, I needed something new, a proper friend, partner, stability, life. A life.
I decided to move away I could live anywhere in reason with my job, so I went far enough for a change of scenery, new people. ( I remember we used to take the piss out of a local barmaid who moved regularly because she had shagged out that postcode). That wasn’t why I went. Anyway, we met on Tinder, but we sort of thought we may have crossed paths before, we met for a drink after some fairly bland online chats, I looked shit, hungover ripped jeans (oh yeah Calvin Kleins and was only in my 50’s ha ha) what was I thinking. Anyway she had a black eye, it was badly covered with make up, we chatted for hours, drank a lot, she drove, silly cow, and dropped me home, I pecked her on the cheek said goodnight then didn’t see or hear from her again, weird, she blocked me completely.
Then some months later out of the blue a Whatsapp message from her (can I give her a name, sounds so impersonal – Susie) So Susie got in touch, we met up, her life was unravelling big style, I could not make up what was happening and that story is not for me to tell, but there are some real male arseholes in this world and eventually they get their comeuppance, he will suffer, he has lost the nicest, most genuine, completely gorgeous women I have ever ever met.
Together we have been through the worst life can throw at you, all of it, illness, family death, displacement, yuk yuk and triple yuk. Now the happy beginning, we live in a stunning cottage, we spend hours just staring out of the window at the nature that surrounds us, we help each other, we love each other, we will be there for each other, forever. We have found what we have always wanted, it was a long hard journey but we never gave up. Please don’t give up, not until you find them, or have fun looking and at least die knowing you tried. Susie – you know who you are, thank you, onward and upwards together. I LOVE YOU. But it can be scary.
Written by a First Wives Blogger
Some names and identifying details have been changed to protect the privacy of individuals.