So, you are divorced. It’s been shit and the last thing you want, is to be reminded of your ex on a daily basis by having their name
Does your skin crawl when you have to sign that name?
I was desperate to be me again; I couldn’t wait to go back to my pre-married name. I didn’t want to be known as his “ex”
The Government Website says (as of February 2019)
- marriage certificate and decree absolute
- civil partnership certificate and final order
What was the process?
I got two friends to witness me signing my new signature and that was that, I set to work to see which establishments would accept the document. I actually didn’t think any of them would as it just seemed such a simple task and these days nothing is free right?
I started with my Driving Licence and Passport, I had to do one before the other, but I can’t remember which way that was… and had a bit of a faff with the bloody Government Gateway (mainly because I couldn’t remember my login), but the Deed poll was accepted. After that, it was all a piece of cake. Banks, pension scheme, credit cards, building society, they all accepted my Deed poll and that was that. I’d officially changed my name for free and I was now the proud owner of my lovely new and previous name.
I did feel different going back to my maiden name and I can only describe the feeling as a lightness. It was great to be independent of my ex.
What about having a different name to your children?
As for the kids, they couldn’t give a fudge that I haven’t got the same name as them. At the end of the day I am ‘Mum.’ I am their role model, working, earning, progressing in my career and that’s what matters to them more than any name. I am the same name as Grandma, so they like that. My eldest even said that he might change his name to mine when he is 18.
Career wise, not being tainted with his name has done me huge favours as my divorce was quite locally public because of what happened. At least clients are unable to link me to past sadness and pain and most importantly I am not looked at with pity. I hold myself tall and strong and I just love being independent of him. Changing my name was more meaningful than the Decree Absolute.
So onwards and upwards. For me, changing my name was a very simple process but extremely important in terms of healing and moving on.
With regards to travel, I have travelled to France with the children since I changed my name and there wasn’t an issue. I have yet to travel further afield, but if I do, I will simply arm myself with my Deed poll Certificate and Marriage Certificate (if I haven’t destroyed it).
So if you think that changing your name will change your future, then go for it. I am so glad I did it.