in Divorce & Separation

How to approach the difficult ex?

by The Group Hug Expert November 18, 2019, 1:29 pm 2.1k Views

When people are in a relationship there is a lot of love and expectation and when this expectation is not realised and for lots of other reasons the relationship comes to an end. That love has gone. How do we then manage the person who now becomes a difficult ex?

My ex became a difficult ex, someone I really didn’t know. We had been married for 14 years. There was some domestic abuse towards me at the end as his life and lies started to come out into the open, but he just left the children and I and made us homeless. He had always portrayed himself as the doting father and honest husband so this was the most shocking thing for me.
I was dealing with someone I didn’t know, even after all that time. He took on a completely different personality and was vicious and truly spiteful, in fact, I would say he started to act like a child and I remember cringing when I had to listen to his lies in court. There was absolutely no reasoning with him. My advice would be to get a solicitor who listens to you.
Group Hug Community Member – Warwickshire

A lot depends on how clean the breakup is and if there is anything that causes the pain to become worse. Love is great until it becomes heartache and distress.

Time is needed for the wounds to heal. No one is the winner in a relationship breakup, the ripple of pain goes through the whole extended family.

Divorce and our tips on legal advice

The issues could be (and this list is not exhausted):

Telling the person that the relationship is over, and the person does not take it well.
A bad outcome in financial matter in the divorce, separation or dissolution.
When will I see my children?
Where am I going to live?
What about the plans we have made?

The difficult ex was not always that way. Once there was love and now it has turned to acrimony.

how to approach your ex when they are being really difficult

Here are a few tips to deal with the difficult ex:

Avoid getting in an argument over the subjects mentioned above.
Keep your personal business to yourself.
Despite the reasons for the breakup, when you see the difficult ex, smile and be nice as it is harder to be nasty if someone is nice.
Avoid getting involved in social media arguments. It takes two to make an argument so simply block the ex on social media and phones.
Remind yourself the relationship may be over but while there are children involved both parties will need to be civil to each other.
Have a new email address only for discussions over the children. If there are no children involved, use the new email address discussing other issues.
If there are children involved and the ex takes that opportunity to be nasty during handover, ask a third party to collect and hand over the children.
Agree that neither parent will speak badly about the other in front of the children and that include the extended family.
Schools will give parents a separate school parents night and school plays to avoid confrontation.
Avoid alcohol/mobile phone if the ex has made you upset and
If the ex is still being difficult, then you still have the option to go to the police and the courts to get civil remedies but hopefully this will be a last resort.

Alcohol can lead to further anxiety so don’t turn to it as a buffer

Love is easy is to fall into, but breakup and heartache take a lot longer to get over. That is why I am here, to assist and guide you through these difficult times.