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The “Alone this Christmas” cocktail of relationships and divorce

This blog is for those who are alone this Christmas; going through a divorce or relationship breakdown (and maybe still living in the house with that person and thinking “how can I manage it”).

Are you going to alone this Christmas?

It is also for those who are separated and not seeing their children and finding themselves increasingly unable to cope as they can’t afford to buy Christmas gifts because the relationship breakdown has had a huge financial impact on their life. I have to say that each individual situation is different and no one case is the same.

When you are born there is no guide book which tells you how to manage when your world falls apart due to a relationship breakdown. This can invariably cause us not to see the people and children we love.

In many instances families will have their own views but it is often not their lives which are affected. However, when the front-door shuts, you are the one who has to face the reality and this is where the walls seem to close in. You have empty spaces in your bed and the children’s.

feeling alone at chritmas when getting divorced

Emotional hurt becomes grief which does not easily get better as you will see your ex and children from time to time in the street or at a function; the pain returns. While in time you may become good at not showing your emotions, it will not take much to set you back again; a song, film, picture, that gift you used to buy for that special person and now you do not buy anything. You may once more be filled with hurt and anger.

Divorced, relationship breakdown at Christmas

When couples go through relationship breakdowns, they split and there is often a knock-on effect with family, friends and children. Do your best not to over-think the future and try and enjoy the time without the pain and loss of the other person and/or other people the situation has affected. Enjoy the peace that the season can bring as there is no work and shops are closed.

Depending on where you are in the process, try your best to put on a brave face until you have time to yourself, where you can be at one with your emotions and have a good cry; we are only human. Emotions do not switch off just because it is Christmas.

How can you help yourself?

Do not stay at home alone becoming depressed, get out and be grateful for the things that you do have. Count your blessings and this pain will not last. Christmas is only one day. Once it is the afternoon and going into the evening, maybe you can go around to see some friends.

I think we must remember that not everyone is having an amazing Christmas as we are led to believe in the endless TV ads and shows.

Even for those surrounded by family and friends, Christmas can be a time of huge stress with family drama’s and feuds, so enjoy the peace. If you are alone, get stuck into a couple of good movies and be guilt-free about that box of chocolates you have treated yourself to. If you can, get yourself out for a brisk walk to clear away the cobwebs.

There are always opportunities to volunteer too, and a simple google search will lead you to a number of local opportunities to take your mind off your own problems and help others. https://www.crisis.org.uk/get-involved/volunteer/volunteer-for-crisis-at-christmas/

Ali – Founder – The Group Hug

Stay away from too much alcohol

Do not sit at home and get intoxicated because you may undo all the hard work which has brought you this far.

Where to find a support network

Try and not be reminded about the pain and spend time with other loved ones and take your dog (if you have one) for a walk, they will show you love. Go for a stroll in the park and you will be surprised who you see there. Try and think of something else and do not focus on the pain.

how to deal with being alone at christmas

Do not go onto social media where you may find uploaded pictures of those loved ones having a nice time. And please do not think of texting your feelings when you may be at your lowest point.

This is a great point. No one posts photo’s of themselves having a rubbish time on social media! It is all about fabulous gifts and smiley faces – but the camera does lie and the pictures are not always telling the whole truth. Just bear that in mind.

Ali – Founder – The Group Hug

Presents and not having the money to pay for them

It is not a competition about who can buy the most. When we are alone all we want is love and warmth. So your present is you and your smile, do not be sad about what you cannot give and be proud about giving that special gift which is you. Do not be alone, ask your friend if you can come over for a meal.

Think of those less fortunate and having to survive on food banks. Consider the families who cannot afford heat and have no Christmas food, let alone Christmas gifts. There will be many this festive season who are having to decide whether to have the electric or the heating on.

The same applies for New Year’s Eve, if you are on your own play some nice music and remember some good times. With the right attitude and outlook on life, things can and will improve.

We tend to think everyone else’s life is good, but in reality we really do not know how they are really feeling or thinking, they could be ill or be in debt. Everyone has a story.

If you are considering divorce and or separation.

Think before you act. Litigation is not cheap and remember you are going from two incomes to one and you have to consider affordability. Legal fees can be expensive and it will not take long for a pot of money to be used.

If you are unhappy, seek advice before you act.

Christmas will leave as quickly as it arrived and soon be over. You need to be strong in finding that new happiness. I really believe in the saying “Happiness is not a destination, it is a way of life”. Your Alone this Christmas cocktail, does not have to be an unhappy one.

Please do not think you are alone this christmas.

Written by Family Solicitor – Dean Vickery – Find his contact details in The Hug Directory

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