If you suspect that your ex is having an affair or being unfaithful, there are signs to look out for:
What are the signs that they are having an affair?
- They’ve suddenly become more “private” – especially around their phone or computer. You may even discover that they have another, second phone.
- They are suddenly working longer hours and making numerous excuses not to be at home. They are working weekends and nights or there is unexplained times when they are “missing”. When you question them they get angry and say that you are invading their space or being controlling.
They are behaving out of character
- They start to pick fights with you about the smallest thing and become more critical of you. They are more withdrawn and distant and where you used to know where they were, because they would call or text you, this no longer happens. When they were away with friends or on a business trip they would call you to say goodnight. This no longer happens.
- Your spouse is suddenly taking more care of their appearance, they are working out, dressing well and very concerned about the way they look.
- You discover that they have taken out a new credit card or opened a new bank account or you can see unexplained cash withdrawals from your joint bank account. As it’s cash, you don’t know where that money is being spent. Again, if you dare to ask, they say you are a psycho or being controlling.
If you suspect your spouse is having an affair, you may be tempted to hack into their phone or computer and whilst you might go ahead and do this, the evidence you find will not be allowed in court because of privacy laws. You are not allowed to go into your spouses private matters, even though you are married.
You discover an affair. What next?
You could get some firm evidence of an affair by hiring a private detective but do check out this option with a solicitor – you don’t want to get yourself into any trouble. If you find out that you are right, and they are having an affair, you should take some initial professional advice, maybe from a solicitor or divorce coach, to think about what to do next.
You will probably be an emotional wreck, so speaking to a professional can help you to think matters through in a rational manner and work out your next move.