Telling your partner that the relationship is over and you want a divorce is not going to be easy.
In fact, a lot of people avoid it for weeks, months or even years and remain in unhappy relationships. If you are sure that it’s the end of the road and you’re ready to tell your partner that you want a divorce, follow these steps from amicable for advice on making the conversation
Only say it’s over if it is over
Voicing that the relationship is over, if it isn’t, crosses a line and can cause a lot of damage. If you think it may be a blip and you could work things out, it’s better you try counselling either as a couple of alone to figure out if the relationship is really over.
It may think you know exactly how your partner will react when you tell them it’s over or you may have no idea at all. The reality is everyone behaves in different ways to sad news, especially if it’s unexpected.
So, take deep breaths, speak clearly, relax your shoulders and jaw before you start.
Time it right
There will never be an ideal time to tell someone it’s over. However, it’s wise to avoid these scenarios:
- During or soon after an argument
- In public
- In front of family friends,
- Over the phone / text etc
This is an important conversation so make sure you plan it right and tell them when you’re unlikely to be distracted. It may help to plan/rehearse how you’ll break the news.
Keep the conversation short
Don’t drag the initial conversation out. Keep the message simple:
‘Our relationship is over, I’m sorry this is hurtful. I won’t change my mind. I want a divorce.’
You may have to repeat this message several times. It’s important to repeat the same message and avoid getting into any discussions about how you’re going to move forward. Keep your cool and be clear that you want to discuss things and how you’ll sort things out with everyone’s best interests in mind but now isn’t the time.
Give your partner time to process the news. They may be in shock or denial when they realise that you want a divorce, so ensure you let the dust settle before discussing next steps.
Ending the relationship in the right way will set the scene for an amicable separation. It will also save time and money. Find out how to divorce amicably.