The saying “is the grass greener” generally insinuates that it’s not – you should stay home and nurture the relationship you have rather than moving on, believing a new partner will solve your problems and make you happier.
However, when that relationship is abusive , the grass is greener on the other side, or can be.
I was in an abusive relationship but the grass did not look greener as my now “ex” assured me that if I ever left he would make sure I had no money and was homeless, even with the children. One day I just snapped and told him to leave. For a year or so things were pretty dismal, but with help from friends and support from The Dash Charity I was able to see that things were moving forward and actually improving. Don’t stay in an abusive relationship just because of money and the house etc. Greener grass is a normal stable life. If I can do it, anyone can!Sarah – Mum of two – Berkshire
Abuse is never justifiable and if you think this is happening to you , you should seek professional advice before making any decisions about your relationship.Caron Kipping – Recovery After Domestic Abuse Coach
The first thing to consider is whether your relationship is worth salvaging.
Are there things you used to enjoy doing together but haven’t done so for some time?
Can you think of 3 specific things that irritate you about your partner now. Are they big issues or smaller annoyances that have built up in your mind. Are they important? Can you help find a solution to this or can you learn to let them go.
Do you still love your partner?
Think of the things that are important to you about a relationship. Do you get these from your relationship now? What changed?
Before you make any decisions, consider all the options – staying, leaving, working on your relationship together/independently .
Writing down a list of pro’s/ cons can seem a bit clinical but it can really help you decide which way to go.
Talking it through with a Divorce Coach can also help – someone who doesn’t know you or your partner personally and can give you an objective viewpoint and help you gain some clarity over your situation can give you the confidence that any decisions you make are the right ones for you.
Stick with it
Give yourself a deadline if you are choosing to work on your relationship – perhaps 3 months to work on key areas that need improvement.
Many people are saying that spending quality time together during lockdown has improved their relationship – has yours improved or has it worsened?
Remember the reasons why you chose to separate if you have made this decision and stick with it, but get support.
If you are carving out a new life for yourself after divorce or separation, focus on the road ahead. Think about the kind of future you want and then go and grab it!
A divorce coach can help you through each stage. Divorce and separation is one of the most stressful things you can go through in life so getting support, practical help and guidance can really help. We aren’t there to split couples up, but to make sure that you are confident, safe, focussed and fulfilled, whether together or apart…because life really is too short to be unhappy!