Firstly, what on earth is “single-shaming”? Well, it comes from the idea that being single is not as rewarding as being in a relationship and that you should be ashamed if you are not in coupledom.
You know how it is, “are you with anyone yet?” – “are your still single?” – “how long have you been single now?” – some people truly believe that you can’t possibly be happy if you are single, even though you are content with living life as you wish.
Is single-shaming a big issue?
A survey for Match revealed that over half of the 1000 people they asked said that they had experienced single-shaming.
Being happily “self-partnered”, in other words, being with yourself and enjoying your own company is difficult for some people to digest. They believe that life cannot be fun or interesting unless you are dating or with someone and the media doesn’t help. All around us are images of couples smiling and happy, swinging each other around in the sunshine. In our hearts we all know that what is being rammed down our throats is simply not true. Everyday couples are separating and suffering, but images of heartbreak don’t sell products.
So what should you do if you find yourself being single-shamed
Firstly, take your time and don’t have an angry outburst or it could look like you are indeed very upset to be single. Remember that the person who made the comment may genuinely not have meant to hurt your feelings. Just because they ask you about a partner may simply mean that they are taking an interest in what is going on in your life right now.
You don’t really have to say much at all and a quick “I haven’t found the right one for me yet” will suffice. You definitely shouldn’t feel like you have to explain the ins and outs as you have boundaries. It is ingrained in our culture that we should be happier within a relationship, and that goes back centuries. It is no wonder single-shaming exists really… As children we read fairy tales and the “happy ever after” only arrives when the “couple” ride off into the sunset.
There are plenty of people who are in relationships who wish that they have the freedom that you have; and there are many who dream of being single too. Enjoy the time you have with yourself and experience personal growth by way of being conscious and finding out who you really are. Take a course, find a new hobby, throw yourself into your career, whatever floats your boat. You are the captain of your own ship.
There are plenty of ways to find the happy ever after in your life and if you believe that you can only find it in a relationship you are on the wrong track. You cannot rely on someone else to fix your life. Being truly fulfilled comes from within yourself first. Generally, it is not the entering into a relationship or marriage which will bring that feeling. “You are going to make me so happy”. Really? Why charge someone else with that role when you can have so much fun finding happiness yourself.
Your goal should always be to live your best life, practice self-love and acceptance, with or without a partner.
If you are finding singledom difficult, get in touch with a coach or counsellor through The Hug Directory. An expert will give you the tools to find yourself and be content in your own skin. It’s all about self-esteem and confidence and asking for help doesn’t mean you are weak. Now give yourself a hug!