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I think my partner is cheating on me!

Do you suspect that your ex is having an affair or cheating on you? Being unfaithful does not always have to mean physically, many people believe that a partner can be “emotionally” unfaithful too. This could be where you are in a relationship and your partner is texting someone else making them to some degree emotionally unavailable to you; where this interferes with not only an aspect of the relationship but the relationship as a whole.

What could be the signs that your partner is cheating on you?

  • They’ve suddenly become more “private” – especially around their phone or computer. You may even discover that they have another, second phone.

I suspected that my boyfriend was cheating on me when his walks with the dog became longer. In the end, I snooped into his phone (I know that is wrong but I just had to know.. my suspicions were driving me nuts!) and I found out that he was meeting up with another woman!

Whilst he said that nothing sexual happened (and I do believe this) – he became emotionally unavailable to me and was getting a buzz from the secrecy of meeting up with someone else, and that was wrong. He was unfaithful to me by lying by ommission (not telling me that he was meeting another woman). He wanted a little secret and that made me sick. I got rid of him a year later as I couldn’t trust him

Group Hug Member – Birmingham
  • They are suddenly working longer hours and making numerous excuses not to be at home. They are working weekends and nights or there is unexplained times when they are “missing”. When you question them they get angry or defensive and say that you are invading their space or being controlling.

We give you the lowdown on divorce and infidelity

They are behaving out of character

  • They start to pick fights with you about the smallest thing and become more critical of you. They are more withdrawn and distant and where you used to know where they were, because they would call or text you, this no longer happens. When they were away with friends or on a business trip they would call you to say goodnight. This no longer happens.
Do you think your partner is cheating on you?
  • Your spouse is suddenly taking more care of their appearance, they are working out, dressing in a different way and very concerned about the way they look.

Talk to others about your experience of your partner cheating in The Group Hug Forum

  • You discover that they have taken out a new credit card or opened a new bank account or you can see unexplained cash withdrawals from your joint bank account. As it’s cash, you don’t know where that money is being spent. Again, if you dare to ask, they say you are a psycho or being controlling.

I discovered my wife was cheating on me when I was coming home from the gym one morning and I took an alternative route home; only a couple of streets away from the house different.

My wife was sitting in one of these streets near to the house, in her talking on her mobile. I stopped the car and she mouthed “I am talking to my Mum”. Why couldn’t she talk to her from the house? At the first opportunity I managed to get into her phone and found the number she was speaking to and called it. A man answered so I asked if he was having an affair with my wife and he replied “yes” and “sorry”. I started divorce proceedings immediately. I can’t stand lying!

Phil – Norwich

I’m hoping that sharing my story will be healing

If you suspect your spouse/husband/wife is cheating, you may be tempted to hack into their phone or computer. Whilst you might go ahead and do this, the evidence you find will not be allowed in court because of privacy laws. You are not allowed to go into your spouses private matters, even though you are married. You will not be able to use infidelity as a reason for divorce if the evidence was collected in this way.

private eye photographing a couple

What do you do next if you discover an affair?

Do you think your partner is trying to control you?

You could get some firm evidence of your partner cheating by hiring a private detective but do check out this option with a solicitor first – you don’t want to get yourself into any trouble. If you find out that you are right, and they are having an affair, you should take some initial professional advice, maybe from a solicitor or divorce coach, to think about what to do next. When confronted, many people will “come clean” and admit to their infidelity.

I felt like my husband was seeing another woman because he started taking really nice clothes away on his business trips. He had never bothered before – just took jeans and his normal shirt. He was suddenly taking time to pack his bag and wearing clothes that he never wore. He never dressed up for me! I would buy him new shirts and he would never wear them.

He always told me which hotel he would be staying at, so in the end, I drove the two hours and went to the hotel to see what was going on. There he was.. in the bar, touching the knee of another woman. I am now getting divorced. The thing that got to me the most was when he got angry and told me that I had no right spying on him!!!

Katie – Kent

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