Marriage isn’t just a unity of people, it’s a joining of lives. You will have built a home together, possibly had children, shared finances, inherited a wider family, have shared friends, and more. We understand that getting a divorce is a big decision and affects everything. That’s why knowing who you should talk to about divorce is vital.
There are right and wrong people to talk to about divorce. On a personal level your friends and family will have an opinion on what you should do and how you should approach getting divorced. Most of those opinions will leave your head swirling, but only some of the advice will be worth listening to – especially if a friend or family member has been through divorce.
However, even then, every divorce is different. It’s important that you get advice and support from the people who are actually on the frontline of divorce every day.
People to talk to about divorce
A marriage counsellor
I want a divorce, why would I need a marriage counsellor? Well, have you really tried to work out the problems in your marriage? If you still have feelings for your spouse, try marriage counselling first. There is a certain peace of mind that comes with exploring counselling, and if nothing else, it may lead to an understanding as to why you actually want to get divorced.
A financial planner
Can you actually afford to leave your partner? It’s best to get advice from a financial planner to understand what your life will look like financially in the event of a divorce. There are specialist, certified divorce financial planners out there that you can talk to.
A divorce lawyer
An initial consultation with a divorce lawyer can set realistic expectations that are specific to your circumstances. You might be reluctant to reach out to a lawyer as it may feel that you are ‘pulling the trigger’ on ending your marriage. However, gathering information is different to acting on it.
For your peace of mind, Holland Family Law offers a free, 30-minute consultation with no obligation to use our services.
A friend whose been through divorce
Outside of speaking to professionals, you need to be very careful about who you talk to about divorce. To avoid gossip and misinformation spreading, you should only speak to those people who you really can trust, especially if they have been through a divorce themselves because at least they can relate to some of your feelings.
However, you should be mindful of the advice that you seek from such people. Rather than asking questions about when’s the right time to end your relationship, ask questions like ‘if you had to do it again, what would you differently?’ This will help you make more informed choices.
Divorce often involves the selling of the family home or one partner buying out the other, in which cases it’s worth consulting at least three estate agents to give you an idea of what your house is worth.
If your divorce involves children, it will have an impact on them. It might only be minor, but it could be major. Either way, it’s worth consulting with a child-focused mediator, who can help you develop a divorce plan that supports your kids.
It sounds bizarre, but maybe your spouse doesn’t think ending your marriage is the right call and perhaps doesn’t understand why you have reached the point of no return. You need to talk and make it clear that issues need resolving and perhaps it’s not too late to turn things around.