How to cope when you are living with your ex and getting a divorce

It’s becoming more and more common for couples to remain living in the same house during the divorce case.

Living with your ex tends to be for 1 of 3 reasons:

  1. It’s not affordable for the family for one of the parties to move out and live elsewhere with the additional costs that involves.
  2. Neither party what’s to relinquish the family home to their spouse. It’s a power struggle. (Even though this does not affect their legal rights to the property).
  3. One or both parties have been told by their solicitor not to move out. This is for strategy reasons rather than legal ones.

Please be aware that moving out of the family home to give each other space during the divorce case does NOT affect your legal and financial rights to the property. You are still a married couple and have a joint financial pot.

The legal steps you have to take to get a divorce

So if you’re decided to stay in the house during that divorce, here is my advice on how to stay sane:

Agree some house rules – agree how it will work

  • Who sleeps where?
  • How will mealtimes work?
  • How will chores be approached?
  • What arrangements will be made for parenting duties?
  • How will the bills be paid?

Help! My life has shattered into tiny pieces!

Respect each other’s space – it’s not an ideal situation and each person needs their privacy.

Keep it civil – to avoid causing more stress for each other and particularly the children.

Be patient – divorce cases tend to take longer than anyone hopes, so hang in there.

Keep the divorce case separate to family life. Agree not to engage in discussions about the divorce in the house or agree when and how these discussions happen – agree a time and day.

How divorce counselling can help you

Talk to your divorce consultant/coach – about any challenges or issues that arise from living with your ex.

Please don’t let it take its toll on your mental health. If the environment is becoming too toxic and starts to affect your health, talk to your divorce coach and/solicitor about other options for the living arrangements.

Be sensible about how best to share the house. Continuing to live under the same roof is a temporary measure and won’t be forever.

Written by Divorce Coach – Rhiannon Ford – find her contact information in The Hug Directory at

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