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How to regain your independence

Regaining your independence

A lot of us think ourselves independent and in some ways we are, but when having been in a marriage or a relationship with someone for so long, we can lose that independence in certain ways. It can therefore be hard when coming out of a situation like this, as we have to regain our identity as an individual person.

So how do you do that when having been merged with someone else for so long? Read on for tips on regaining your independence after a breakup.

Meet new people

It’s often hard to regain that independence when all the people you know, know you as having been in that couple. It can often result in them constantly giving you sympathy looks which can take away your need for independence as you feel helpless. Often when being in a couple for a long time, your friends also tend to be couples which can often result in you no longer being invited to events without a +1. It’s hard, which is why it’s good to meet new people, people going through similar situations, people who will help you restore your identity by seeing you as just you and not you and your ex.

Try a new look

It has almost gotten to a comedic point, the idea of drastically changing your hairstyle after a breakup, but there is a reason it’s so common. Part of the problem of gaining independence after a breakup is not only due to people seeing you as still part of that couple, but also you seeing yourself as still part of that couple. Changing your look can make you see yourself differently and help to get you back to being your own person.

How to get yourself independent

Get new goals and hobbies

Similar to trying a new look, getting new goals and hobbies can allow you to feel like a different person. Getting into a new hobby can also help you gain independence as you can find something that you are solely interested in and use it to distract yourself from the breakup.

Hold onto some things

However when gaining your independence, it’s important not to just become a completely different person. You are still you and completely changing your identity will only allow your ex to always own part of you. Trying new things is only a way of gaining that independence you had before them, it’s not a way to become a new person in any means, it’s a chance to rediscover yourself. So still listen to that song you like or wear that jewellery they got you, don’t let them own the past you!

Independence doesn’t mean you shouldn’t rely on people

Finally, it’s important to realise establishing independence is not a reason to shut yourself off from other people! We’re still human and need to rely on others, it doesn’t make us weak. Many people have gone through and will go through this and you are not alone in it. It can seem intimidating at first but rediscovering yourself again is not only about falling out of love with your ex but falling back in love with yourself!

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