Cheating whilst in a marriage is unfortunately always a topical subject. And through my role as a McKenzie Friend, having helped and supported many clients who found themselves divorcing due their partner’s infidelity, I feel that I can offer some top tips on how to move past, what can be, one of the most devasting situations anyone can find themselves in.
A marriage breakdown caused by being cheated on can be devasting to someone’s self esteem and confidence. They may even feel to blame! For some, it seems impossible to move on and to feel in control again. Here are 5 top tips for doing just that.
Once the decision has been reached that the marriage is over, as hard as it is, take action. Agree with your partner how the divorce will proceed. Who will live where? Will you go to mediation to agree the finances and/or child arrangements, for example?
These are hard decisions, but much better to make practical steps moving forward than to let things fester in limbo.
2. Do not doubt yourself
If you have been cheated on, there is a danger that you will start to think that you are not good enough. You may think ‘perhaps I could have been a better partner, perhaps this is my fault?’. None of us are perfect, however, you cannot take responsibility for someone else’s actions.
3. Do not withdraw
For some, there is a temptation to withdraw and isolate when hurting. Don’t! Lean on friends and family – most will be happy to help and support you. Go out with friends, socialise and tap into your support network. It will make all the difference!
4. Time for you?
Are there things you have always wanted to do, hobbies and interests, that you’ve never got round to doing because of the time compromises made in your relationship/marriage? Did you stop doing a hobby or an interest that you would like to take up again?
Taking up activities will be great for your mental health and for your confidence.
Forgiveness is more for your benefit than for the other person’s. As the famous saying goes: “Holding onto anger is like drinking the poison and expecting the other to die.” It also allows you to move on from a painful and devastating situation into a brighter future.