What does a divorce coach actually do and what is the difference between a divorce coach and a counsellor? Should I invest in coaching when I am already paying for a solicitor? Successful Divorce Coach, Author and Hug Directory member Claire Black explains.
Divorce coaching is pretty new to the UK, although it has been popular in the US and Australia for some time. There are a growing number of coaches in the UK, all offering different coaching methods and techniques, and all with different outlooks themselves.
My goal as a Break-up & Divorce Coach is to help my clients through their divorce with dignity and confidence, to see choices and possibilities, and make empowered decisions to create new and fulfilling lives. I want my clients to be able to look back on this period in their lives and feel proud of how they behaved, and of all they have achieved since.
Divorce is now commonly accepted as one of the most traumatic things you can go through in life, second only to the death of a spouse or child.
However, many people still think of divorce as simply a legal process. It isn’t. There is an emotional journey to go on alongside the legal journey. The way you handle that emotional journey can have a huge impact on the costs of your legal journey.
When you work with a coach to help you focus on you, handle your emotions and move forward with confidence. You are equipping yourself with the tools you need to keep your legal costs under control. Working with a coach will help you to move beyond the story of your divorce, and into a new future.
One of my recent clients, Caroline, illustrates this fantastically well.
Caroline came to see me after she discovered that her husband of 35 years was having an affair with a much younger woman. She was horrified, shocked and angry, and unsure how she was going to cope emotionally. She no longer felt comfortable in her home of many years.
She was also concerned about her grown up children, and how this would affect them and their relationship with their father. She felt incredibly angry and hurt and described her feelings as out of control and was behaving in ways that she didn’t recognise; the potential for conflict was massive.
Not only that, Caroline had never really had much control over the family’s finances, she felt at sea, unsure how she would cope. Her husband earned almost three times her salary and had control over all their savings. She was nervous and afraid.
I worked with Caroline over a period of approximately 9 months. During that time, we met monthly and had email contact in between sessions. Caroline knew that she didn’t want to be a bitter divorced woman in her 50s, who only talked about her divorce. She wanted to be herself.
Little by little, Caroline started to take back her control over her life.
She made changes at home, putting up new photographs, redecorating and lighting candles and got rid of things she had never liked. Gradually her home began to feel hers again. She reconnected with old friends, and learnt how to manage her own finances.
Over the time we worked together, Caroline made significant shifts in her thinking too. She looked for the upside and learned how to reframe even the darkest of situations. When her ex-husband did something to shock and upset her, she was able to turn it around, and find the glimmer of light. She saw that, far from being the worst thing that had ever happened to her, she now had the opportunity to do new things, like have a “gap year” in her 50s, and take the promotion at work that she had never felt was possible before.
Eighteen months on, Caroline’s friends and family cannot believe the difference in her.
She conducts herself with dignity and resilience and has moved forward with her head held high. Her children are hugely proud, and she recently emailed me to say that her son commented that they have learnt from her how to conduct themselves with dignity and strength, whatever life might throw at them.
If you would like to read more of Caroline’s story, and those of other coaching clients, in their own words, please click here – https://www.claireblackcoaching.com/case-studies