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Starting again at 46
I am getting more and more frightened of the future. How the hell do people pick themselves up at the age of 46 and build a life? No pension provision etc... what is going to happen to me? I don't own my own house, how am I ever going to get a mortgage? I keep thinking that i am going to die with nothing, no money, no home.... scary thoughts. I was building life up with my ex but he tricked me out of everything we ever had - right down to £0. I have a job, but not enough money coming in to save for the future. my ex doesn't pay any child maintenance - he got away with that too! he slipped through the net and ruined my life. Feeling really down.
I am really sorry to hear you feel so down about your situation.
I work with a lot of clients who are going through a divorce and want to get more of a handle on their finances, and the starting point for me is always to look at what comes in and what goes out and make a budget. Some people find it helpful to create a spreadsheet detailing all the different areas they spend money on, such as utilities, childcare costs, pets, food..... Once it is all down on paper in front of you it can make you feel more in control and lift some of those negative feelings. A budgeting exercise can sometimes highlight areas you can save a bit of money, which could then be redirected into an area that helps to build finances for the future.
Starting over after separation or divorce is a scary time for most people. Not only is it extremely emotional but it usually means you have to start dealing with areas of your life that previously someone else had taken care of. It is all about taking small steps, especially when it comes to finances, so try not to let it overwhelm you. At least you are addressing your situation and how it makes you feel, that is always the first step to a better future.
This is very useful advice Katie. Just writing down on paper is a good idea and I am going to do that a I am a bit erratic with my spending at the moment especially with the school holidays and the money is pouring out and not in. I shall sit down this evening and be honest with myself. I have a feeling it might be the odd bottle of pinot causing a stir in my bank balance. Oh how i love this group. So helpful.
@peaceandhope - how are you coping with it all? Any advice? It is so bloody hard to deal with the fact that you feel that you have given 15/20 years with someone and ended up with nothing (and he has loads of money!). @