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How do I let go of the bitterness
My partner and the father of my children cheated on me after 9 years together and I found out 3 months before we were due to get married.
He moved out to his own place and continued his relationship with the other woman, but for two years also said he still loved me and that he knew he needed to be with his family. After moving back in twice and still not ending things with the other woman I finally had enough. Things between us turned nasty, as I met a guy online and we dated, he hated that and was absolutely horrible to me. He in the meantime had moved in with his girlfriend, yet their relationship was toxic.
It’s now been 5 years and things between us is easier, not so nasty, he has bought me out of the family home and moved back in alone. I have moved with the kids to a house that is all mine.
He has since split from his girlfriend and then a month later (or less) got with a new woman he met online and now is enjoying life with her and both her and our kids, going on holidays doing fun things.
I am alone and have pretty much been since we split, the relationship I had before didn’t last due to my ex’s nastiness and antics. So basically I’m bitter that he has everything I wanted, even though he ended our family. Deep down I still live him, but know that we could never be together as we have both changed as people because of this, but I don’t want to be alone. He was the horrible person in all this yet he is happy, and I’m still here feeling sorry for myself depressed, alone and unhappy. How can I get over this, and stop being obsessed with him and what he has?
thank you and sorry for the long post xx
Hi and thanks for your post - the thing about bitterness is we beat ourselves up about it, for feeling it. But it is difficult sometimes not to feel like this especially if you are feeling alone, fed up and you really want to move on. There is a great Hawaiian practice called Ho'ponopono which I have used and recommended to others to use to help let go of emotions and actually work on forgiving yourself for feeling like this. It is really simple and if you youtube it Dr Joe Dispenza talks about it and shows you how to do it.
As well what is helpful is to notice when you are thinking about your Ex and his life and consciously take a step back from these thoughts. I talk about your 'backyard' - hang out in yours rather than going to see what is happening in his (with your thoughts). Take time to focus on your 'backyard' and give your energy to you. Keep coming back to what you have and the practice of gratitude is really powerful. Lastly write down 6 or so words to describe you and say them to yourself with "I am...." every day and repeat often.
Hope this all helps.