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How do you know if someone in your life is a narcissist?

felicityflick
(@felicityflick)
Double-Star Contributor

How do you know if someone in your life is a narcissist? Like you brother or mother? Can you tell immediately if you are dating a narcissist?

This topic was modified 6 months ago by felicityflick
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Topic starter Posted : 25/07/2021 4:06 pm
dianagotit
(@dianagotit)
Double-Star Contributor

I believe that there are signs from the very beginning of the relationship. I was with a narcissist and from the outset it was weird. He didn't turn up for our first date - and I let him back into my life. I often wonder if that was him assessing how kind and accepting I was. He told me 2 minutes after he was supposed to pick me up that he was stuck in London. Then, I was definitely love-bombed with flowers to work, lovely meals out where he insisted on paying etc etc.. I will admit that I was a mess when I met him and very needy, but on the other side of things, he was needy too and I wanted to help him. It was not the basis of a good relationship at all. I have learnt that I need to really love myself before I get involved with anyone else. When you try to leave a narcissist they literally throw their toys out of the pram and make you feel guilty reminding you about all the "lovebombing" - which they throw out as acts of kindness towards you. They tell you that you are ungrateful and unkind and can get pretty nasty. These people are children trapped in an adult body. 

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Posted : 26/07/2021 10:34 am
Monkey
(@monkey)
Double-Star Contributor

In and out of your life, swooping in and saving you when the shit hits the fan…like you’d be lost without them. Alarm bells!!!

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Posted : 27/07/2021 9:15 pm
poshgirl
(@poshgirl)
Double-Star Contributor

They make YOU feel constantly like you are in the wrong! They play the victim. They twist everything around so it feels like it is all your fault. Some people say they are ill, but I think they are twisted and ugly creatures

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Posted : 28/07/2021 12:22 pm
CaronKipping
(@northernlass)
Double-Star Contributor

Hi Felicity have a look at this resource I put up on my website

https://caronkippingcoaching.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/05/10-Signs-you-are-in-an-Abusive-Relationship.pdf

 

there are always very obvious signs and if you are already asking the question your gut instinct is trying to tell you something- ignore it and regret it! 

Find me in TGH directory of Divorce Coaches. I specialise in supporting people in/coming out of abusive and controlling relationships. 

ReplyQuote
Posted : 29/07/2021 2:43 pm
rosiesarahlyon
(@rosiesarahlyon)
Double-Star Contributor

I think it is hard to tell as such in some cases. However, its the control part for me that always rings alarm bells. They seem caring but really they are just controlling

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Posted : 30/07/2021 10:11 am
Amanda Hale : Breakup & Narcissism Recovery Mentor/Coach
(@ash2021)
New Member

Naturally it is very difficult to diagnose anyone... and a true narcissist is very rarely going to submit themselves for a formal diagnosis (as there is nothing wrong with them of course - so they would have you believe!!)... that being said, if someone displays the following traits (and there is a pattern of behaviour) - grandiosity, a sense of entitlement, lack of empathy (key trait), frequent manipulation, love-bombing in order to hook you in or to get you back, abusive in nature (emotionally, psychologically, verbally and sometimes physically) interspersed with good behaviour (to keep their target stuck in the cycle of abuse), confusing behaviour (gaslighting), frequent stonewalling/silent treatment (these are just a few!)...then there is a high probability the person in question is high up on the spectrum of narcissism. 

At the end of the day, even though I specialise in helping people going through breakups with partners/spouses who exhibit narcissistic tendencies, I would always say that it doesn't matter which label you attribute the toxic person you are dealing with... the point is that if you are suffering as a result of your partner's toxic behaviour, then it is doesn't matter whether there is a diagnosis/label or not; the behaviour is unacceptable, full stop (though I do understand very well how it can feel reassuring or a relief at first to understand that there appears to be a reason behind their behaviour. It can also help one to understand to some extent how to deal with the person going forward. This however does not ever excuse their abusive behaviours and does not lessen the suffering). 

I hope this helps! There is plenty of info out there! If you need any help from me I am also available on the Group Hug directory (Amanda Hale). Or look me up on IG: @narcabuse_recovery_mentor.

x Amanda

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Posted : 03/08/2021 1:34 pm
Stephixtx
(@stephixtx)
New Member

@monkey this is my ex to a T!! We separated over a year ago and he's forever trying to come back into my life acting the hero!! 

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Posted : 07/08/2021 8:18 pm
dianagotit
(@dianagotit)
Double-Star Contributor

@stephixtx at least you are aware of his behaviour and what he is trying to do. It must be really hard still though? Has he got a new victim? It seems that they lay off a bit if they have someone new to target. 

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Posted : 24/08/2021 9:28 am