Starting over after a turbulent period in your life is not easy. You may have chosen the road you are now on or it may have been forced upon you. Whatever happened, the past is the past and eventually you have to pick yourself up, dust yourself down and move on.
Picking up the pieces is key. You have to take what’s left and rebuild what you can and financial planning is key.
Any exercise we partake in is good for us and that includes sex. Being sexually aroused makes our heart race and the number of beats per minute reaches its peak during orgasm. Unfortunately, this doesn’t mean that you can simply have sex every day to keep yourself fit and healthy. It’s reported that the average peak heart rate during orgasm is the same as during an average walk, so that’s not enough. You are still going to have to do more, so try romantic walks, cycling, swimming or hit the gym together if you can’t bear to be apart. As adults, we should be engaging in at least 2.5 hours of moderate intensity aerobic activity per week, that’s a fast walk.
You may have come out of a divorce with a settlement or a house, or you may have left with nothing. Look at what you do have and make the most of it. If you have come out with something substantial it is worth speaking to a financial advisor to see how you can best nurture it. You have to consider the future and look after what you have, ensuring that you don’t lose the lot! There may be children to consider and there could be the possibility of university fees in the future. If you ended up with the short straw and have come away from a relationship with nothing, all is not lost. You may be worried about how you are ever going to start again. There are always opportunities of one kind or another and you just have to find them within yourself. A few sessions with a Life Coach will put you in the right frame of mind to look at the positives. You are not the only one who had nothing and there are plenty of people who started with zero and built up from that.
If you work, how can you maximise your income? Could you ask your employer for training and up your game at work? Get a promotion? Could do something at weekends to earn some extra cash. You may have to be “all hands to the pumps” for a while to set yourself on the straight and narrow financially, but it will be all worthwhile. Again, it is worth speaking to a financial advisor about the possibilities available to you. You may need some life insurance to protect your children in the event of your death or you may wish to protect your income if you suffered a critical illness. There are many possibilities to explore and you can take what you earn along with what you may have in the bank and make the best of the situation. Many people have company pensions which lay dormant, these can be revived and made to work again. Everyone’s situation differs.
You will be dealing with similar issues if your partner has died. You have to look at the “pot” available to you and get it working to its maximum potential, taking into account the possible future scenarios. A one to one consultation with a finance expert will help you to put things into some kind of order. If you haven’t dealt with money matters before, they will explain what everything means as you go along. You may find that your partner had shares which mean nothing to you. Get all the paperwork together ready for an advisor to look through and make sense of.
Whether you have money or not, what you are striving for is probably financial stability and a new life. Whether you are buying a home or renting, things have changed. Many people are opting to rent these days so don’t think you are a failure if you don’t end up owning your own home. Who knows what the future holds? Life is full of surprises. You don’t know if you will meet a new partner, or win the lottery.
In any situation where you had a joint will and are no longer with that person, you must have a new one drawn-up. In divorce, when the Decree Absolute is issued, any Will becomes null and void. Many people forget this when the drama of the divorce is finally over. You can instruct a will writing professional or a solicitor.
You may have come out of an abusive situation or be grieving the loss of a partner; the fact remains that at some point you have to start moving forward. It will be a struggle, but you can’t live in the past. Life will be different but it doesn’t have to be negative. In many cases men and women speak about coming through the other side of these horrific life events as stronger people. Life can be exciting again and there can be a happy ever after if you really want it. Take what you can from the experience and learn from it.
It’s not always easy to stay positive so do ask family and friends for support. They will be proud of you when you tell them you are ready to move on with your life and have a fresh start. Be honest about your feelings and if you are having a down day, talk about it. You may find that receiving some counselling or coaching can really benefit you as you search for your life goals. By taking tiny steps you can get to where you want to be. Set yourself realistic targets. Maybe you want to lose weight or get fit. Perhaps you are ready to re-train and start a new career. Just think of it as an exciting new chapter in your life and your mental health will love these positive vibes too.
Try and draw a mental line under the past (and it may have been a very happy past with a partner you loved very much). Turn the page and start again. Believe in yourself and your inner strength.
There is support available for any struggle you may be facing; self-help books, inspirational bloggers or face to face advice.