It’s that dreaded moment where you have been dating for a few weeks, months (or hours, we are not judging). You really like the person and it’s time to being intimate and have sex. You want to have sex, but this will be the first time you have hit the sack with someone new for many years. You may have been with your previous partner for what seems like an eternity and are now divorced or maybe your spouse passed away. Whatever the scenario, you are worried that your body “ain’t what it used to be” and are even more worried about doing “it” right.
Falling for someone gives us a warm fuzzy feeling. It’s chemistry. No one knows what causes us to fall in love but if they did, they would be extremely rich. Aside from the stress of the actual procedure to find someone; swipe left, swipe right, being in a loving relationship brings many health benefits. As humans, physical touch, being intimate and having sex are important for our wellbeing.
Any exercise we partake in is good for us and that includes sex. Being sexually aroused makes our heart race and the number of beats per minute reaches its peak during orgasm. Unfortunately, this doesn’t mean that you can simply have sex every day to keep yourself fit and healthy. It’s reported that the average peak heart rate during orgasm is the same as during an average walk, so that’s not enough. You are still going to have to do more, so try romantic walks, cycling, swimming or hit the gym together if you can’t bear to be apart. As adults, we should be engaging in at least 2.5 hours of moderate intensity aerobic activity per week, that’s a fast walk.
Of course, it’s natural that we have to mention hugging. It doesn’t have to be done in a group! Cuddling someone special can lower blood pressure and keep tension at bay.
With apparently 42% of marriages ending in divorce, there are many men and woman in their 40’s feeling the pressure of de-robing in front of new partners. Women tend to worry about their mummy tummy and cellulite and men are trying to hit the recovery button for their six-pack. The thing is, for most of us, we are all in the same boat.
Don’t fear being intimate
If you have fallen for someone, it’s going to happen. You are going to wake up next to someone you haven’t shared life’s milestones with. No wedding, no children, no mortgage, no debts. Your body scarred by life.
You just have to embrace it. Enjoy and think yourself lucky to have met your match and think of all those who are still desperately trying to find that special person with whom to share their life. When you fall in love, you don’t care about the jiggly bottom or breasts which possibly used to be a little more perky. It’s all good and many people moving into a relationship after divorce or the loss of a loved one report that the sex is better than ever as they are more mature and don’t care about the things they did in their twenties. They are more open and honest and adventurous to boot. Grey love can be good honest love. You may have experienced problems in this area in your marriage and are nervous. Communication with your partner is key.
On the downside of all this raucous mature sex, is the rise in STD’s among the 50 to 90-year age group. According to a British Study, the numbers have roughly doubled in the last decade in the US and UK. The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) report that Chlamydia rates alone jumped more than 32% among the 45 to 64-year old age group between the years of 2007 and 2011. Syphilis rates increased more than 15% during that same time frame.
So, make sure you practice what you are preaching to your grown-up children and use protection until you are really sure that you partner has a clean bill of health. It might be worth being adult about it and getting tested before getting down to business.
Reach out to one to a sex therapist in our Hug Directory if you have any issues. Don’t suffer in silence. Life is for living.