How Did You Deal wi...
Clear all

Welcome to The Group Hug Forum

Ask questions, offer advice, help others and make new friends!

To join our community forum, simply login using the menu above or 'register' here. Create your account, sign in, then join in a conversation. click ADD TOPIC to start a new chat. Choose your own USER NAME when registering so you can post anonymously. Please always bear in mind our community guidelines before participating in any discussion.

How Did You Deal with the Grief of Losing a Loved One?

Reliable Friend

We all deal with grief in different ways; today however I suggest we discuss the different ways we've dealt with our own grief, for the people who are struggling to see an end to that tunnel of mourning. The way you dealt with your grief could offer inspiration to those who are still struggling, so please join and share your own experiences with it, for a healthy discussion.

Topic starter Posted : 06/07/2021 1:24 pm
New Member

I find getting a new hobby can be a good distraction whilst dealing with it, something positive like that, to take your mind off of it. Whether it be taking up a sport or learning a new language, an hour a day losing yourself in something else is always a great first step.

Posted : 06/07/2021 3:14 pm
Reliable Friend

@ajh99 Sometimes the best way to deal with grief is to have something that helps you take your mind off it, even if it is for an hour or two. If you ever can't take your mind off it however then we're always here to talk Smile

Topic starter Posted : 07/07/2021 5:24 pm
Apprentice Hugger

@ajh99 This is really good advice. I threw myself into work and thought about the things my dad would want me to be doing. Even now, when I achieve something I think about how proud he might be of me 

Posted : 28/07/2021 12:59 pm
Double-Star Contributor

Losing someone is always extremely difficult. I used to also work in care for the elderly back in the day and even though they arent loved ones as such you still get that attachment and its extremely sad.

I lost one of my bestfriends to cancer during 2019 and she hadnt told me that she was diagnosed so it was a complete shock. I struggled until after the funeral, when i said my goodbyes i was able to start rebuilding myself. I put a routine for myself and got a hobby. Anything i did i always thought, what would she say to me, what would she think? I did things that she loved doing in memory of her

Posted : 30/07/2021 10:19 am
Apprentice Hugger

Everyone's grief journey is very different, but I hope bits of what supported me might support others.

Please don't feel overwhelmed by length of post, not everything will resonate and depending on what stage of grief you are in, not all of it you will be ready to even think about, let alone implement

It took me a long time to work out what I needed and figure out how to work through my grief. But here are a few things I found particularly helpful...

I realised I had to be with the painful emotions not run from them. I found a way to process and release the pain of my grief which started with journaling and moved into a more structured process to work through all the unsaid communication death takes from us. I avoided the painful emotions for years and it became unbearable. They won't go away, they need to be processed, which I promise is not as painful as you think it will be and what you have been through already when your loved one died.

I needed joy back in my life, friends, family, hobbies, days out, nature. Doing something creative was really helpful as it gave me an emotional break and my brain could focus on something else good.

Movement was a game changer. This didn't have to be full on exercise, this could be playing a card game at a table, dancing around the kitchen, cleaning, getting up in the morning, walking downstairs, making a coffee and going back to bed! A short walk, gardening, walking to a friends house, pretending you need some milk and going across the road to a neighbours house and back.... 

I had to work through and let go of guilt. coming to terms with the reality that it was more than ok for me to be happy again after my husband died was really hard, but my husband would have wanted me to be happy again. I also now know it is possible to walk along side my grief, honour my loved one and be happy in my life now all at the same time.

I realised I needed meaning in my life which came in many forms. Finding a way to love my husband in a different way by visiting his grave, lighting a candle for him, talking about him, making a memory book of him for my son.... this then moved into bigger things like retraining and making my work supporting others through grief. Some people set up charities, write books etc... meaning is whatever and wherever you find it. 

Your grief journey is yours, stay true to what you need not what others expect of you. There is no right or wrong way to grieve and no time frames. You choose to take one step at a time as and when you can. Be gentle on yourself and give yourself as much self care as possible, your nervous system will be on over drive from taking an emotional battering in grief, don't force it to do more than it can. 

Posted : 04/08/2021 10:24 pm