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Hi, this is my first time on here. I am a male in my 40's who came out of an abusive relationship 7 years ago. Somehow, I can't seem to move on.... My life changed so much in many different ways since then. Somehow I lost my self confidence and can't seem to move on. My ex is on my mind day and night and the dreams never stop.... I was at such a dark place when the relationship came to an end that I nearly took my own life 7 years ago. But here I am telling the tale ...
I was told by her during our relationship that I was the poorest person in the world, she pitied me. I was not worth the dirt under her shoes and many more. She even tried to strangle me and once during a very heated debate, she said she would cut me up into pieces. Somehow I always went back to that person and apologised even when I was not at fault. At the moment I think about her and still miss her and concentrate on the good times and try to forget the bad times. Because I am very lonely, I used to be surrounded by many friends but my life changed. I am scared that I will never find love again or just good friends. Relationship is not my priority but just to feel truly happy again. I fear when I hear people shout or I can feel anger then I have to get away. Since everything happened I tried to avoid anyone who cones across like a bully or whose negative. I blame myself for the breakup, if I had done things differently or behaved better then we could've still been together. When life was different, we went away every bank holiday, etc and now I am alone.
I am sorry if I am talking too much but carrying silent pain is awful....
Sorry to hear about this challenging time you find yourself in and that you’re feeling stuck.
Firstly, let me just say you’re in the right place coming to the Hug. And more importantly a massive well done to you in making a step to take action and help with everything your dealing with. Just that in itself takes balls mate. Trust me I know, I was you once and have been through my fair share of crappy times when I just didn’t know where to turn.
I’m actually writing an article at the minute about us Men needing to talk more and seek the right help and suooort so you’re already starting your journey which is amazing to see 💪🏼
my own experience led me to become a Coach, and I work with extensively in the areas you describe above. I focus on divorce, separation, breakup and family matters. But this can be so varied across self confidence and self-esteem rebuilding. Overcoming negative emotions and learning to move forward. Self forgiveness and so much more.
if you want to, I’d be very happy to have a chat with you on the phone or Zoom and see how I can help and what immediate tips and tools I can share with you that can assist you.
you can find my details here in the directory or on email [email protected] or on Instagram @MrDivorceCoachUK
take care of yourself and keep talking mate. To me or anyone that can offer you positive support and guidance. There is light at the end of that tunnel my friend, it’s just getting the right help to see you there
Firstly, I want to tell you how brave you are by being so honest in how you are feeling. This is definitely the first step in the right direction and the road to recovery. From the brief history you've outlined about your relationship, it sounds as though she chipped away and eroded your self esteem and self worth. A relationship is where two people encourage each other, are proud of their partner's accomplishments. They should be supportive and certainly not abusive! You are finding it difficult to let go most probably because at the beginning of the relationship she was the kindest and most loveliest of people and as you have said, you are still focussing on the good times rather than the not so good. You deserve much better Dray. I can help you deal with the negative emotions you are experiencing and help you move forward to the life, as I've said, you deserve. In the meantime, I recommend you follow Richard Grannon on Youtube who talks about relationships with those on the spectrum of narcissism. It may help you to understand the type of person you could possibly have been with in your relationship. I wish you all the very best and if you would like to get in touch with me for a 30 minute chat, I am Polly Bloom - The Divorce & Separation Coach.