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Coping with the emotional tsunami when you separate

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jennirock
(@jennirock)
Posts: 5
Active Member
Topic starter
 

This is something I help my clients with, but I am intrigued, what would you say is the biggest challenge emotionally when you separate?

 
Posted : 06/03/2021 2:40 pm
shirazsocial reacted
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felicityflick
(@felicityflick)
Posts: 28
Eminent Member
 

Just dealing with your ex when they don't want to be reasonable. My ex was a "nothing" person - he felt that because I was leaving him after years of emotional abuse that I should get zero. "How dare you leave ME?" To be fair he did always warn me that I would get nothing if I ever left him. He made sure I had no control over anything and no joint assets. I should have walked a year after our 15 year marriage... silly me.

 
Posted : 08/03/2021 2:53 pm
CaronKipping
(@northernlass)
Posts: 33
Eminent Member
 

Hi @jennirock everyone's situation is slightly different but we all go through the same grieving process at the end of a relationship - or any significant life change for that matter. Whether you decided to end the relationship or your ex did, whether you wanted it to end or not, you will be grieving for the relationship you wanted but having to accept the reality that it is now over.

It's a process and it takes time and with it come a rollercoaster of emotions - guilt, anger, frustration, helplessness, jealousy, sadness, loneliness which is a lot to work through before you get to acceptance, hope, joy, excitement and opportunity.

Having a professional like a Divorce Coach to help you work through all of that can really help you process things quicker and move on to the next exciting chapter of your life.You can find me on TGH Directory: Caron Kipping Divorce & Separation Coach

 
Posted : 15/03/2021 8:00 am
Smitapal and Sunshine reacted
jennirock
(@jennirock)
Posts: 5
Active Member
Topic starter
 

@felicityflick I know that many of us have been threatened that we will leave with nothing, I left and it cost me around £100k to get out what with paying off the debt, re-mortgaging to pay him off and buy him out of the property, plus missing child support etc.
The sad part is that it could have been so different had I received any of the support that I now provide. I provide it especially because it wasn't available to me and I feel it is so needed especially for women leaving toxic relationships. You can find me in the group hug directory under divorce coaches if you wanted to know more! 

 
Posted : 15/03/2021 8:54 pm
NatMe reacted
Juwel19
(@juwel19)
Posts: 1
New Member
 

I always find it hard to cope. The worsted for me is being alone. Even more being alone for the rest of my life. I am now in a relationship but it already doesn’t looks very good and that is probably because I didn’t stayed very long on my own. I don’t know what will happened when this relationship is at the end but I think I will need some help to find a better way of coping then running into the next relationship. 

 
Posted : 22/03/2021 12:44 am
thirstyume
(@thirstyume)
Posts: 1
New Member
 

Thanks for sharing these information with us...

 
Posted : 22/03/2021 12:01 pm
Sunshine
(@sunshine)
Posts: 2
New Member
 

@juwel19, It is hard to process everything and not easy to be on your own. I went through difficult times over 7 years ago after my break up and I have been on my own ever since. I realised that I had to learn to cope and be ok on my own, I did not want to replace the attachment with depending on something else or someone else. And it got better and better over time, I have learnt to love myself, to forgive and be grateful. It was a real transformation and I am happy! I am happy to share techniques, books etc if you think it would help. 

 
Posted : 23/03/2021 12:53 pm
Sunshine
(@sunshine)
Posts: 2
New Member
 

@jennirock, I feel the biggest challenges for me after my last relationship was the shame, guilt, lack of confidence and learning to be ok on my own. I was betrayed and hurt and did not want to be around others, especially not happy couples. 

 
Posted : 23/03/2021 12:57 pm
jennirock
(@jennirock)
Posts: 5
Active Member
Topic starter
 

@sunshine & @juwel19 It's always a delicate transition of being in a couple to suddenly being single and that brings up issues and insecurities that you may not have been aware of. This is why I feel it is so important to have support during this time to be able to get through it much more swiftly and get that confidence and self esteem back up where it belongs! This is what I help people with. Happy to chat if you needed any support!

 
Posted : 01/04/2021 1:34 pm
&Rea reacted
Out_the_other_side
(@out_the_other_side)
Posts: 9
Active Member
 

@sunshine yes I experienced this. I remember looking at random happy couples walking down the street and I would feel a rollercoaster of emotions...jealousy, sadness, anger. 

 
Posted : 27/04/2021 8:56 pm
&Rea reacted
Out_the_other_side
(@out_the_other_side)
Posts: 9
Active Member
 

@juwel19 I completely understand how you feel. It took me a long time to realise I needed to love myself first and be happy on my own before I could be happy in a new relationship. 

 
Posted : 27/04/2021 8:59 pm
&Rea reacted
saumyagiri
(@saumyagiri)
Posts: 1
New Member
 

Great, good job keep sharing this information 

 
Posted : 01/12/2021 6:10 am
alison9
(@alison9)
Posts: 3
New Member
 

thank you for sharing this

 
Posted : 13/09/2022 10:37 am
forzatotoclick
(@forzatotoclick)
Posts: 2
New Member
 

@juwel19 I completely understand how you feel. It took me a long time to realise I needed to love myself first and be happy on my own before I could be happy in a new relationship. 

 
 
Posted : 29/09/2022 10:28 am