Welcome to The Group Hug Forum
Ask questions, offer advice, help others and make new friends!
To join our community forum, simply login using the menu above or 'register' here. Create your account, sign in, then join in a conversation. click ADD TOPIC to start a new chat. Choose your own USER NAME when registering so you can post anonymously. Please always bear in mind our community guidelines before participating in any discussion.
Coping with the emotional tsunami when you separate
This is something I help my clients with, but I am intrigued, what would you say is the biggest challenge emotionally when you separate?
Just dealing with your ex when they don't want to be reasonable. My ex was a "nothing" person - he felt that because I was leaving him after years of emotional abuse that I should get zero. "How dare you leave ME?" To be fair he did always warn me that I would get nothing if I ever left him. He made sure I had no control over anything and no joint assets. I should have walked a year after our 15 year marriage... silly me.
Hi @jennirock everyone's situation is slightly different but we all go through the same grieving process at the end of a relationship - or any significant life change for that matter. Whether you decided to end the relationship or your ex did, whether you wanted it to end or not, you will be grieving for the relationship you wanted but having to accept the reality that it is now over.
It's a process and it takes time and with it come a rollercoaster of emotions - guilt, anger, frustration, helplessness, jealousy, sadness, loneliness which is a lot to work through before you get to acceptance, hope, joy, excitement and opportunity.
Having a professional like a Divorce Coach to help you work through all of that can really help you process things quicker and move on to the next exciting chapter of your life.You can find me on TGH Directory: Caron Kipping Divorce & Separation Coach
@felicityflick I know that many of us have been threatened that we will leave with nothing, I left and it cost me around £100k to get out what with paying off the debt, re-mortgaging to pay him off and buy him out of the property, plus missing child support etc.
The sad part is that it could have been so different had I received any of the support that I now provide. I provide it especially because it wasn't available to me and I feel it is so needed especially for women leaving toxic relationships. You can find me in the group hug directory under divorce coaches if you wanted to know more!
I always find it hard to cope. The worsted for me is being alone. Even more being alone for the rest of my life. I am now in a relationship but it already doesn’t looks very good and that is probably because I didn’t stayed very long on my own. I don’t know what will happened when this relationship is at the end but I think I will need some help to find a better way of coping then running into the next relationship.
Thanks for sharing these information with us...
@juwel19, It is hard to process everything and not easy to be on your own. I went through difficult times over 7 years ago after my break up and I have been on my own ever since. I realised that I had to learn to cope and be ok on my own, I did not want to replace the attachment with depending on something else or someone else. And it got better and better over time, I have learnt to love myself, to forgive and be grateful. It was a real transformation and I am happy! I am happy to share techniques, books etc if you think it would help.
@jennirock, I feel the biggest challenges for me after my last relationship was the shame, guilt, lack of confidence and learning to be ok on my own. I was betrayed and hurt and did not want to be around others, especially not happy couples.
@sunshine & @juwel19 It's always a delicate transition of being in a couple to suddenly being single and that brings up issues and insecurities that you may not have been aware of. This is why I feel it is so important to have support during this time to be able to get through it much more swiftly and get that confidence and self esteem back up where it belongs! This is what I help people with. Happy to chat if you needed any support!
Great, good job keep sharing this information