Has your partner fessed up and told you that they have been having an affair? Are you now faced with a dilemma, should you forgive, learn to trust them again and continue with the relationship?
Betrayal rocks the very heart of a relationship. The deceit and lies are hard to bear. Infidelity calls everything into question and steals the foundations of what you thought was solid in the relationship; the capacity to love and trust and faith in our judgement. We feel safe and secure with our partner, we believe in who we are and what we believe we had. Should you forgive?
How does one move on and recover from the pain of disloyalty? Only you can make that decision. Do you let your heart rule your head, or your head rule your heart?
If the perpetrator displays remorse, realises that they have made a tremendous mistake and wants to make the marriage work and you do too, then I recommend the following steps.
The questions will start with Why, Who, What, When, Where, How? Communication is key to being able to move forward and repair the wall that has fallen down around you. It can be a turning point at which you decide to grow separately and together, reconnect in a way that is stronger and tenable. It will take a lot of commitment and complete honesty from both of you.
Give yourself the time and space to assimilate what has occurred. Request that your partner respectfully stays somewhere else temporarily to give you the opportunity to reflect.
Don’t internalise everything
Pride and stoicism may prevent you from talking to family or friends, however this won’t help in the long run. Open up to someone you trust otherwise it’s a heavy load to carry on your own. Internalising our feelings can also have a detrimental effect on our health and by suppressing these feelings they are only going to come out at a later date.
Speak to a Divorce Coach to help you to cope with the minefield of emotions and to discuss “forgive”. Avoid burying your head in the sand and face your fears. Remember that you are a person in your own right and fully deserving of a relationship which fulfils your needs as well as your partner’s. A successful relationship is where partners have a mutual respect for each other and where neither party take the other for granted.
Written by Paula Crowhurst of Polly Bloom Divorce & Separation Coach – Find her in The Hug Directory