As divorce lawyers, we have to ask, ‘are you ready for divorce?’ It may surprise you to know that some people who say they are ready to divorce their spouse actually don’t want to end their marriage. Instead they use divorce as a threat to kickstart their marriage. However, there are tell-tale signs you are ready for divorce.
If you’re thinking about calling it quits on your marriage, here are some signs you could be heading towards divorce:
You don’t argue
As bizarre as it sounds, you are meant to argue. Remaining silent or avoiding each other can in fact harm your marriage. When you can’t be bothered to argue anymore, it’s usually an indication that something is missing in your marriage, according to relationship experts.
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You have to win
If you do argue, the way you argue could be one of the signs you are ready for divorce. When you disagree, a healthy marriage attempts to resolve conflict in a way that preserves the relationship. If it’s your imperative to ‘win’ the argument, you’re more focused on having control rather than connection. This is a red flag for your marriage.
You intentionally irritate your spouse
If you’re constantly pushing your partner’s buttons until they snap, then it’s possible that you subconsciously want to end your marriage but you’re afraid to make the move.
Your partner irritates you
If things you could once tolerate about your partner suddenly start to irritate you, this could be a sign that your marriage is in jeopardy. Do you recoil when your partner walks into a room? Or does every little thing they do get on your nerves? It might be a sign that you no longer want to be in the marriage.
You stop being your true self
If you start acting differently around your spouse for fear of rejection or trying extra hard to get their attention, you stop being your true self and reinvent yourself to force something to happen. This is a big warning sign that you may be ready for divorce.
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You’re portraying the marriage you want on social media
If you’re oversharing about your marriage on Facebook or Instagram, it’s usually a sign that you’re trying to create the illusion of a happy marriage, when in fact you’re unhappy. The constant need to show the world how great your relationship is, can be a sign that things are falling apart.
It’s all about you
Making a marriage work takes two people. If you’re essentially living separate lives and telling people about ‘your’ dreams and ‘your’ goals, rather than thinking in terms of ‘we’, this could be an indicator that you don’t see your marriage as a team effort.
You don’t go to your spouse first
Whether you’ve had a bad day or you have good news to share, do you go to your spouse first? If you don’t, this is a sign of disconnection in your relationship. If you no longer talk openly with your spouse in times of crisis or times of joy, this kind of disconnection can lead to loneliness, which often leads to divorce.
You can’t forgive
If you’re constantly dredging up past arguments, it’s a sign that you haven’t forgiven your spouse and can’t move on from those issues. A healthy relationship requires forgiveness and making peace. If you’re holding onto something or resenting your partner, your marriage is unlikely to survive.
My ex says I have to get a new job because we are getting divorced!
You have an exit strategy
If you already have a plan in place to leave, then it’s a sign you are ready for divorce. Maybe you’re looking for a new place to live, searching for a new job or moving money to a different account. If you’re doing things like this, it means in your head, you think your marriage is over. Already having one foot out the door is a clear sign you want to end your marriage.
Thank you to Claire Holland for this blog. If you think you may be heading towards divorce, you can reach out to Claire and the team at Holland Family Law for divorce support HERE as they feature in The Hug Directory.
If you decide to end your marriage, you can reach out to us for sensitive, supportive advice and representation. We are a straight talking, professional family law firm who has helped hundreds of people manage the complexities of divorce.Holland Family Law