He literally walked out of the door and then threw loads of debts at me. I had been a stay at home mum for 13 years so had no income.
I was on full benefits for two years. It’s the worse feeling. He even applied for half the child benefit and got it. It was our food money. He is a millionaire. How could he do that to the children? Not me. The children? His own flesh and blood?
The children see him for exactly who he is and comment to me, which, however interesting that is, I feel sorry that they don’t have a huge amount of respect for their Father. They actually see him as a bit of a joke and he is not someone they trust. I can see that and they will never forget that we lived in some pretty awful places when he had gone and they know he didn’t help us one little bit. They lived through what happened and it is a footprint on their minds. Sadly. They can’t simply erase the memories and the sadness. Their Father didn’t do the right thing and that is a FACT. They know he is weak-willed and comment that something is not quite right with him.
He played many games along the way. After 9 months of trying I was awarded legal aid and this angered him and more games started. Every time I asked and begged for money, he would call the police and eventually they issued me with a PIN notice (which is very simply a piece of paper saying that you haven’t done anything wrong and they have no evidence, but just do not contact the accuser again). The narcissist loves the piece of paper and it pops up at every opportunity. I have just seen it in his bundle for a fact-finding case in a couple of weeks’ time. Does he really think that the Judge gives two hoots? In fact, when I am questioned about it at Final Hearing, he will look very stupid as it was given to me for asking him for money for his children. What’s wrong with that.
He also produced a letter from Victim Support. This is where he made a false allegation of violence about me which led to nothing. I suppose he was handed a leaflet about Victim Support when he reported the so called “crime” and he simply called them and got a counsellor.
He has no shame. He has been using public resources for two years now and still continues to do so. Victim Support for what? There was no crime committed. The police called me and told me that they knew he was lying – yet that is not relayed to victim support! So, he is using public money to have counselling for something that didn’t actually happen. This is where it all goes wrong; the left hand doesn’t know what the right hand is doing, the whole system is flawed and it is the same for child issues. A parent may be accused of violence and that doesn’t make its way into the family court system and we see children, time and time again being forced to spend time with emotionally abusive parents.
The courts didn’t see (and neither did CAFCASS) that my children’s father didn’t bother with them until there was a financial implication for him. He walked away and that was that. He came crawling back when he thought he could use them to get at me, and that’s exactly what he thinks he did. I say “thinks” as I am happy with 50:50 as it allows me the freedom to work and crawl out of the hell he wants me in. I’m not going to tell him!
So endless child cases, then he took me to court to try and get non-molestation (when his complaints of harassment to the police came to nothing), finances still continue, (he doesn’t know what I have up my sleeve now that I am feeling better). I have ANOTHER Final Hearing in April as he appealed the first one an won his right to appeal. Which, shocked me at first, but actually, as time goes on, he is in a worse position on a few points as time has proven exactly what his finances are. When things happen for a few months they can be dismissed as “temporary”. When things go on for 18 months… you can pretty much say they are stable.
I am working now – have some fabulous jobs and a great career ahead of me. I took the time to retrain in something and that is giving me great pleasure, helping others. I even have my own little business.
I guess what I want to say is keep going everyone – man or woman going through divorce crap… you will come out the other side a better person. I love my new life. I can work (I wasn’t allowed before!) I have a fabulous man in my life and my children are happy. I know exactly what my ex is and I play him like a fiddle and that makes me feel great. I don’t know if I will ever get any money from him, I should as he is absolutely loaded, but my life is full of happiness now and that’s what he cannot bear. He’ll never change, Whoever he meets – he will always be sad and consumed by his own ego.
Now who’s laughing? ME! I won. I returned to happiness
By a Group Hug Blogger
Some names and identifying details have been changed to protect the privacy of individuals.