Olivia primarily writes with women in mind but she says that this post is for EVERYONE and she hopes it will help Men who are struggling too:
This post is for Women who are STRUGGLING
There is hope.
There is light at the end of the tunnel!!
Just hang on, keep putting one step in front of the other.
You will eventually be out of this.
Here is a snapshot of my life 3 years ago after my failed relationship:
I had NO idea how I was going to recover from my failed long-term relationship & engagement
I had NO idea how I was ever going to forgive my abuser for putting out my light and stealing nearly 7 years of my life from the ages of 19 – 25yo years old (some of the best prime years of your life).
I had NO idea how I was going to survive and do life on my own after we broke up. I felt like I had nowhere to go. I had no idea where I was going to even LIVE. There was no space with my family long-term and I didn’t feel strong enough to live alone. I felt like an emotional wreck. And I felt extremely lonely.
I had no idea where to start in terms of disentangling myself from him financially. We had belongings, joint bank accounts, had 2 properties together. We were basically married without the legal term “married”, but in every other way, we were.
I had no fucking clue what to do when he tried to manipulate me into giving/signing over the properties to him. I had never dealt with lawyers or the legal system in my life. And I was SCARED. I was scared he would take me to the cleaners, and I would have nothing left.
I had no idea what lies or stories he would spread about me, and who would/wouldn’t believe them. I had no idea how my reputation would be tarnished.
I had no idea what friends I could trust. Most of our friends were “mutual friends” and so I didn’t know how MANY friends I would lose or who would take his side over mine.
I had no idea how I was going to get close to my family again. My ex distanced myself from my support system and built a wedge between us.
I didn’t know how to do life on my own. Single. Alone. Especially as I had learnt to rely and depend on him for so long.
I didn’t know if I would have a restful sleep ever again. I was suffering from anxiety. My body was tense all the time, like I was stuck and paralyzed by fear.
I had no idea who I really was without him. I had wrapped up so much of my identity in him and “us”. I didn’t have a sense of self as an individual.
I didn’t know how I was going to be happy again. To feel like myself again. I didn’t know how to make my way back to myself…. To come full circle.
I didn’t know how I was going to go back to work and how to try and ACT normal – because I certainly didn’t FEEL normal. I didn’t know how I was going to NOT cry, and pretend like my world around me wasn’t falling apart or pretend that my heart wasn’t breaking. I felt like a mess. And I felt embarrassed.
I didn’t know how I was going to feel whole again. I felt hollow. I felt empty. Like I was missing something, as if a part of myself was gone.
And what is life like NOW?????
Every day I thank the universe that he came into my life and taught me the hardest lessons I NEEDED to be taught (although I didn’t think that at the time). Why? – because it’s helped shape me into this fucking powerhouse that I am today. Oh yeah, and I got my light back and am SHINING BRIGHTER THAN EVER!
I’ve come out of our legal battle relatively unscathed and better off financially than I was expecting. And I now own and got to keep my beautiful house!
I managed to avoid losing thousands of dollars going through the court system, because I managed to avoid court all together.
I leant into my support system, with the people I could trust. I surrounded myself with the right people, and I picked their brains. I spoke up. I asked what they would do, I cast my net wide which helped me get my shit together.
I let myself GRIEVE.
I let myself cry. I let myself feel relieved. I let myself feel lost. I delved deep, felt through the rollercoaster of emotions. I took one day at a time. I just put one step in front of the other.
I became RESOURCEFUL.
I tapped into local support, information and online education that was all around me and available at my fingertips. I joined virtual online spaces like this one that is designed for women going through the same thing.
I decided I didn’t want to be a doormat anymore and realised that I was sick of being a push-over in life. I didn’t want to do life being “that person” anymore!
I worked on my mindset and self-trust. Now I KNOW that no matter what happens or what life throws at me, I will be alright!
I realise my self-worth and started to believe in myself. I decided I wanted to fight for myself and my rights! I realised what I DESERVE and that I owe it to myself to feel good about myself again. As a consequence, I now have absolute CERTAINTY in who I am. Because I DECIDED and designed who I wanted to become.
I know I have the inner strength to speak up and advocate for myself, my needs, wants, wishes and put my foot down when I need to. I have deliberately learnt what my boundaries are, and what standards I want in place for future relationships. I know I won’t be used and abused ever again.
I now operate from a place of ABUNDANCE instead of scarcity or living in fear; fear of him taking things away from me.
I have my family back. My relationships with my family have been repaired, improved, and we are now closer than ever.
I know the best years AREN’T behind me.
I know that the best is here, and there is ALOT more of that sweet stuff to come.
And here’s the thing…
I have all the above..
YOU CAN TOO
You see once you get a taste of this stuff. Once you get a taste of what’s possible for yourself and what’s possible in your life ANYTHING seems possible.
So keep on keeping on.
Keep trying to be strong.
Keep trying to be positive.
It will eventually pay off
A huge thank you to Olivia Powell who is also known as The Red Velvet Woman. Olivia is based in New South Wales, Australia