So, it’s all over, you have the Decree Absolute and it’s time to move on with your life and start again. We’ve had a think about the positive things you should do after your divorce.
Tenants in Common?
If you have met a new partner and are buying a property together, plus you have children, it’s worth considering how you want the kids’ future inheritance to look. You may choose to be tenants in common (where you own 50% each), but have a careful think about the implications of that arrangement for the partner who may be left behind in the future. It’s likely that one of you will die before the other.
While you are together you can look after each other, but when one of you dies, the other may have to care for themselves and this could mean that they need to go into a care home. The funds from the property could fund a nicer home. Do you want your 50% to go to your children or towards looking after your spouse or partner? It’s worth having a chat with an expert about this before you decide.
Being tenants in common is often an ideal way for people that have come together from previous relationships with children as it can help each party share their 50% with their own children. Speak to an Wills expert – you will find solicitors and Will companies in The Hug Directory”.Sarah and James Hughes – Will Consult You Limited – The Hug Directory
Friend or Foe?
Take a look at your friendship group as now could be the time for a cull. Are there people who haven’t helped you or who’ve been negative on your divorce journey? Be conscious about who you want in your life, because at the end of the day, there are a limited number of free hours in a year. You want to make the most of your time now that this divorce journey is over. If there are people who weren’t there for you along the way, get rid and move on.
Still on the subject of friends, do you feel that you would like to meet new people? Getting divorced can define who you are for several years, but now it’s over, think about how you will make new acquaintances. Maybe you will start a new hobby, pastime or become a volunteer. Whatever it is, think about the Decree Absolute as the ticket to a whole new life ahead of you. It’s time for a fresh start!
Reframe your life
You can choose to either wallow in self-pity or start to celebrate all the good things in your life. The fact that you have come through this time in your life, regardless of the outcome financially or regarding the children, there will be people worse off than yourself; think about what’s good and stay positive. Enjoy your home and the time you have with your children rather than wading through the “what you have not’s”. Reframe what were the negatives into positives.
Be grateful for your health and the strength you were given by friends who walked beside you. If you struggle to see any positives, think about seeing a Life Coach or Counsellor to help you to unblock and more forward. There are also Rapid Transformational Therapists and Hypnotherapists in The Hug Directory; even if they are not based near you, many offer SKYPE coaching. Asking for help is not a sign of weakness.
Clear your house and head
Have a clear-out at home and get rid of the “historic crap” in your life. Take a look at everything you own and think about whether it is positive or harbouring negative thoughts. Declutter your belongings and wardrobe. You will be amazed at how fabulous you feel after the process. Maybe you want to get rid of an ornament from your honeymoon, or a gift from your ex.
Perhaps you have jewellery you no longer enjoy wearing and want to sell to exchange for something new. If you are moving house, it makes no sense to take things with you which cause you emotional pain and the cost of the move will be less; the less junk you take with you, the decrease in cost.
If you find decluttering too emotional, employ the help of a professional who will work with you hands-on, or alternatively, work with someone such as a Divorce Coach; they are not only for the period of getting divorced, but can also help with moving on into your new life after legal proceedings have ended. You can build a plan together and attack the job in hand. Take a look in The Hug Directory for those who can help.
Dare to date
Don’t be afraid to date and think about a new romance. It can seem like a very daunting prospect, especially if your ex cheated on you. Have you been left with trust issues? Remember that plenty of people go onto have very successful relationships after divorce (many even marrying again). If you don’t fancy using a dating app or online dating, employ the services of a professional matchmaker. We have several in The Hug Directory.
You could also mix a hobby with the prospect of meeting someone new; sharing the same interests will definitely be a good start. Join a club, volunteer for a charity, or think about getting a second job which is sociable to increase the chances of meeting new people and making friends.
Take a look at yourself and if there are things you want to change, now is the perfect time to do it. Have you been drinking too much or did the divorce set you off smoking again and now you want to give up? You may want to become fitter or get rid of some of the negative demons in your head. There are lots of inspirational blogs on this site from people just like you and many people in The Hug Directory who can help you to be the best possible version of yourself. Now that the divorce is finalised, you can be the new you and begin writing an interesting new chapter of your life.
Some want to have a complete change and turn to aesthetics to give themselves a boost. Whatever makes you feel good, just ensure you love yourself first! Here are five things you may not know about aesthetics
One thing people should do after a divorce is see a life coach. This is different to counselling which often focuses on the past. A coach can help you make sense of what has happened and will work with you to create a new, successful future for yourself.
As an NLP Coach And Certified Hypnotherapist I work with people to get back on their feet again, rebuild their confidence and self esteem and even help them develop strategies for entering the world of dating.
A life coach can help guide you through the transition that accompanies divorce. They will help you reframe your experience and will support you in your journey, empowering you to become the best version of yourself you can be”.Rae Davies – Brightcomet – The Hug Directory
Some parents say that they have been emotionally unavailable to their children because of the stress. Don’t beat yourself up, whatever your thoughts, stay positive and do something about whatever you wish to change. Only you can change yourself to be the parent you want to be.
If you feel that you have neglected your children through proceedings, it’s never too late to do something about it. It’s always worthwhile speaking to someone who specialises in children, even if it’s for a session over the telephone. It will get you into the right frame of mind as you have the opportunity to talk over your worries.
It’s easier to fix a child than to fix a broken adult so don’t delay, take a look in the directory and make that call. A child expert doesn’t necessarily have to deal directly with the child, they can also speak to you about parenting methods. Even if you have a teenager who is reluctant to see someone, as a parent you can make positive changes when you know how.
The divorced bucket list
There are bound to be things you wanted to do with your ex, but which they refused to take part in. Marriage can sometimes feel very limiting if it’s not working. There could be a place you have always wanted to visit or a sport you wished to try, so write yourself a Divorced Bucket List and work your way through it. You are now free to do whatever you want. You can live the life you want.
We have a Travel Expert in the Hug Directory, so give her a call and ask for her help and advice as you plan that singles trip or romantic getaway with your new partner.
You must rewrite your Will
Remember, divorce does not revoke an existing will.. many people do not realise that divorcing does not automatically void the marital Will. Only the act of marriage actually revokes a Will. So you may enter into a new relationship and actually your ex legally is entitled to everything you said in the existing will”.Sarah and James Hughes – Will Consult You Limited – The Hug Directory
Learn new things
Are there tasks which your partner used to do and which you have now enlisted friends or family members to do for you instead? Write a list and get someone to teach you how to do these things or self-learn once and for all! Your list could range from showing you how to put air into your own tyres to making a lasagne. Get positive and feel proud because you can do anything you put your mind to.
It is always recommended that the client seeks advice from their financial advisor to ensure any pension or life insurance lump sums are paid directly to their chosen beneficiary, and these lump sums do not get added to their estate otherwise would potentially get taxed for inheritance tax at 40%. If entering into a new relationship, ensure that your pension or life insurance is not set to be paid directly to an ex?”Sarah and James Hughes – Will Consult You Limited – The Hug Directory
If you are struggling with your finances, speak to a charity such as Stepchange for debt advice. You may also want to think about changing your job or career to earn more money. Now you have the freedom, think about retraining in something completely new. We have career coaches in The Hug Directory.
Love yourself, because you are amazing
Self-care is the absolute key to your new positive life, so make time to enjoy life and relax. A positive mental attitude and lots of self-esteem make for a healthy life. Get plenty of sleep and end the day thinking about the things you are grateful for. Many people comment that they don’t have the capacity to read a book or watch a movie when they are going through the divorce process. Now that it’s all over, you will find that you have some free bandwidth to concentrate on the positives again.