You know that something’s changed between you and your partner. You realise that the honeymoon period is over but you have the feeling that your partner is losing interest. Just because you are dating later in life, doesn’t mean that love hurts any less. Humans can still treat each other poorly when dating and the mind games never stop.
So, what should you look for when you feel that your other half’s interest is waning?
Your partner’s attention towards you is really starting to dissolve. Previously, they were constantly texting and calling you but now they always seem to be busy. Sometimes they even accuse you of preventing them from seeing their children or going out with friends. They start to try and make you feel guilty.
When you stand back and show them that you do actually allow them to do these things, they pick a fight and it seems that you are to blame again. Some partners will not want to burn their bridges and will suddenly make a plan to do something to show they are interested in you, but only when they have nothing better to do.
If your partner is becoming erratic in their plans to see you, bear this in mind. Are they only seeing you because no one else is around? Don’t blame yourself for your partner is losing interest in you. If they can’t be honest enough to communicate their feelings, are they really worth having around?
Plans and Dates
When you are first with someone, it’s all dates and plans and everything is exciting. You go for drinks, visit interesting places, have dinner or just hang out together and play board-games.
If your partner stops wanting to make plans, they are probably losing interest in spending time with you. Your partner may start to be vague, or suddenly springs the plans they have with other people onto you at the last minute. They just slip it into conversation that they are out next week, without communicating with you.
When you say that you were hoping to do something together on a day they have now booked doing something else, they will get cross and sometimes even rage; suddenly YOU are crazy and won’t allow them to see their friends. You had a plan for you and your partner and they simply had a plan away from you. Think about it.
If you are bored with weekends spent sitting on separate sofas watching your partner’s favourite tv shows, communicate this. If nothing changes and they make no effort to think about making any plans for you both and you always have to do the organising, get out with your friends and stop wasting time.
Give them a taste of their own medicine. our other half is clearly not interested in you. Is it time to move to pastures new? It can be daunting, but is it better to be single than to be with someone who prevents you from having the life YOU want? Ask yourself why you want to be with someone who is losing interest in you.
If you find that you have no idea when you are going to see your partner next, and it’s been several days, your partner is pulling away from you; it’s time to act and move on with your own life. Find someone who is actually interested in you.
Your partner used to discuss their plans and keep you in the loop, but now they are vague about what they are doing and when. They even begin springing last minute plans onto you. On one hand they don’t really want you to be involved in their life, but on the other hand they don’t want to burn their bridges. They will keep you on a long rein, pulling you in when they need sex or are just bored. It is a huge sign that your partner is losing interest.
If you are having a hard time pinning your partner down about their plans only to find out they have been able to make plans with friends or family, it is time to move on. You feel vulnerable because your partner is not making time for you or discussing what they are doing. If you are feeling out of sorts and anxious, you know that it’s time to jump ship and find a new mate. Don’t put yourself through the angst.
If your partner is able to make plans with friends and family, then they are capable of making arrangements with you
A couple of tell tale signs that your partner isn’t interested in you any more could be:
1) changes in behaviour that show they are detached or detaching from you, for example they used to love spending time with you, but now they prioritise others, or come up with excuses.
2) where they used to do/say small things to show their appreciation of you, now they do/say things that are hurtful or unkind and that disrespect you.
Both of these indicate that your partner is at the very least taking you for granted, and at worst, they are no longer invested in the relationship.Claire Black – Divorce Coach – The Hug Directory
When your partner doesn’t want to put a time-frame on anything or always has a goal post a long time in the future, this could be a sign that your partner is losing interest. We all know that awkward time when we are unsure as to whether we are in a relationship or not; are you a couple? If your partner doesn’t even hint that they want something more serious, then it could be time to move on.
Your partner will make vague excuses about seeing friends and having other plans yet treat you like a proper partner. You feel unsteady and not sure where things are going. If you have been together for at least a few months and are feeling this way, move on as they are just stringing you along until something better comes along. This applies even more if you have been dating for several years.
If you like a little bit of old fashioned romance and you don’t even receive a card on your first Valentines Day, then think carefully about what you want. If it didn’t happen on a birthday or other special occasion, it will not happen in the future. This just isn’t about romance, it’s also about your partner being bothered. You may notice that they have time to make sure the birthdays of their children and family members are acknowledged, but when it comes to you, it’s a big fat nothing.
Even worse is when you wake up to nothing and they make a big deal of going out to get you something with the excuse that they have been “so busy with work”. If your partner can’t even commit half an hour during their week to getting you a little something, what’s the point? They seem able to find the time to impress everyone else, but not you.
On your partner’s birthday, let them feel how you felt by reciprocating the lack of effort and just don’t bother. This is all a slippery slope and it’s time to think about your self-esteem. Ask yourself why you are with someone who is not attentive.
Did things start to dip dramatically not long after your first amazing date?. An interested partner will find the energy to make little gestures, surprise you on your birthday or leave romantic notes. They will naturally be wanting to impress you. When your other half stops making an effort around you, (and this could include hygiene, having a haircut, dressing nicely), it’s time to evaluate the relationship because it has probably gone stale.
Bear in mind that your partner may just be waiting for something better to come along. You should feel especially worried if you know that they have been romantic with previous partners, but never been this way with you. Maybe your partner has spoken about the poetry they used to write for their ex. Why don’t they have the same energy and enthusiasm for your relationship?
Are you are reading this and thinking that you are the uninterested partner? What’s the point in leading someone on and wasting time with a person you have no chemistry with. Is it time to improve your quality of life by finding someone else? Wouldn’t that lead to a more satisfying life for yourself too? There is a reason you are not putting any effort in.
When your partner starts acting rude towards you, start to think again. Maybe they often call you names, are criticising every little thing you do or even swearing at you. This behaviour is obviously not going to impress you and is not acceptable in any way at all. Your partner may sneer at every little thing you say or maybe you have arranged something and your plan is greeted with disdain. You are being treated with contempt and it’s time to move on. There are plenty more fish in the sea.
It’s easy to understand this feeling by looking into the past. Think about when you went out with someone and they really started to annoy you. Were you intentionally rude to that person so they would leave you alone? Many relationships end in this way. One partner has become rude and unromantic leaving the other person to do the dirty work to end the relationship. You should never hear your partner say to you “My children will always come above you”.
The relationship we have with our children should work alongside our partner. They are very different commitments and someone in a relationship, who also has children should realise that it will sometimes be hard-work. Surely it’s no different to being in a relationship with the Mother or Father of the children? Did they ignore that relationship for the children too?
If your partner is really into you, they will try to be kind and impress you. They will not try to make you feel ashamed, upset and sad. You could be feeling that you are always second in their life and if so, move on
If your partner is always talking seductively and trying to get you into the bedroom but avoiding talk about the future and romance, they are thinking of you as a “friend with benefits”. There is no respect and you will feel bad after every close encounter. If you want more than simple bedroom fun, take a dignified stand and stop seeing this person.
It may be that there is only sex. If that’s all your partner wants, then consider that they only need you for their own sexual gratification. Your partner may still be attracted to you, but in their head, that’s all it is. Sex. They are not thinking about a future together and even if they say they are, without the romance, plans and attention, what else is there? This is not a relationship.
On the other-hand, there may be no sex and if it drops completely, consider that your partner may be seeing someone else behind your back. This could be why your partner is losing interest in you.
Bear all of the above in mind and notice that they are all interlinked. If you are reading this blog and find yourself seeing your partner in many of the issues, think seriously about whether the relationship is deep and meaningful or not. It takes two to tango and if you are the only one being romantic and fun, maybe your energy and love is better with someone who can return that. There is no point wasting time when a partner is losing enthusiasm for the relationship.
If you decide to move on from your current partner, think about what you value and need in a relationship. For example, my top qualities in a partner are kindness, fun and openness.
Is your current partner providing what you value and need? Are they open to hearing your perspective and talking it through? If not, it could be time to move on, re-find yourself again and leave space for someone who does deserve your time and attention.
There is nothing more lonely than feeling lonely within a relationship. Leaving someone can be scary and daunting, and you may wonder if it’s the right decision.
Ask yourself these questions and see what comes up for you:
1) How will I feel if it is still like this in 6 months/1 year/5 years’ time?
2) What could I do that I can’t do now if I made this decision?
3) What space would I open up, that would bring new possibilities into my life?
4) What is my gut and intuition telling me?Claire Black – Divorce Coach – The Hug Directory